A Titanic Sized Entry

I am not ashamed to admit that I love Titanic. Love it to pieces. And you know you love it as well! I know you remember the Titanic mania when it came out. Maybe it was just the first "big" movie that I remember coming out but I really think few movies have had that type of hysteria surrounding it ever since. It's all my friends and I would talk about in 5th grade, sharing magazine articles about the movie and talking about how cute Leo was. Those who thought they were cool (ie: me) said they didn't find Leo hot at all, but that was a damn lie. In class they would trick us into learning how to research by "letting us" research the Titanic. The T encyclopedia was always the hardest to find during library time. It's hokey, it's shockingly outdated already, but it is 3 hours of fantastic movie.

It is also one of few movies of significant length that I can sit down and watch the whole of without getting antsy. You may have noted that there haven't been many blogs for the past few days save for my random show of support for the Butler Bulldogs. There is nothing interesting in my life and therefore I haven't been inspired. Sometimes when I go through these blogging slumps the only thing I can think to do is liveblog movies. Guess what you're getting tonight!

I've tried to break it down into half hour segments in order to make it easier to read. So sit back and enjoy all 3 hours and 42 minutes (it was the tv version, ergo even longer than the movie version) of my commentary on Titanic.

8:00-As much as I love Titanic...I really hate the 1997 era story.

8:11-The picture of Rose wearing the necklace looks like it was drawn by a high school student with a messed up imagination.

8:14-Commercials. One day I'll have a Tivo and won't have to put up with these shennanigans. One day I might actually buy Titanic on DVD as well.

8:17-I forget, is there a romance between the niece and the captain of the modern ship? If not, that would have been a fantastically crappy subplot.

8:19-Are the people on the ship scientists or treasure hunters? Is treasure hunter a socially acceptable profession? Would I have to live on a boat? I hate boats.

8:20-And our first instance of "wow, who knew how quickly these graphics would become outdated" with the simulation of the ship sinking. Wow, who knew how quickly these graphics would become outdated.

8:22-Flashes of the good old days start to bring Rose to tears. The captain decides this will be the best time to talk to her. (Side note, the woman that plays old Rose is still alive...she's freaking 99 years old. Hardcore)

8:23-FINALLY! The good old days

8:25-Rose's hat is the underappreciated costume choice of the last 50 years.

8:27-Jack Dawson, so dreamy.

8:28-"Have you been through inspection" "Yes" "good, come aboard" ah, that seems even more ridiculous now than it did at the time the movie came out.

8:29-The ship leaving the dock, second instance of "wow, who knew how quickly these graphics would become outdated"

8:33-I would love nothing more than to be ridiculously rich in 1912

8:34-My least favorite movie technique: referencing a now famous person before they were famous and then adding "ha, he'll never amount to a thing". See: Pablo Piccaso roughly 30 minutes into Titanic.

8:37-The dolphins in the water are our third and most blatant example of "Wow, who knew how quickly these graphics would become outdated"

8:38-I'M THE KING OF THE WORRRRRRRLLLLDDDD.....Forgive me for being crude, but I never noticed that he follows that line up by immediately pinning Fabrizio to the railing with his crotch.

8:39-"I may have to start minding what she reads from now on"-Cal. Perhaps my favorite character in the whole film for his blatent racism and chauvenism.

8:41-"This ship is solid as a rock, built by the Irish!"-what's that supposed to mean? We all know the ship is going to sink! Half of me is outraged. The other half thinks that's hilarious.

8:42-I'm going to start wearing an evening gown to dinner every night and demanding that my family do the same. I'm sure OMP has a tuxedo somewhere.

8:43-I lied. Jack staring at the stars and the (spoiler alert) suicide attempt scene is the most blatant example of "Wow, who knew how quickly these graphics would become outdated" Also our fourth example for those keeping track at home. Also there is no way she hangs off that boat and doesn't fall. My stomach is churning just thinking about it.

8:45- "You ever been to Wisconsin?" I have. For 5 hours. Left $260 poorer after a corrupt traffic ticket. Fucking Wisconsin.

8:46-"With all do respect, Miss, I'm not the one hanging off the back of a ship"-Truer words were never spoken.

8:47-She's got at least 10 pounds on him, there is no way he holds on to her when she goes over the edge.

8:52-"Might I say, women and machinery do not mix!" "HAR HAR HAR" "Let's go have a brandy". Fantastic exchange.

8:54-The Heart of the Ocean or whatever the hell it's called is the ugliest necklace ever.

8:58-All Jack draws are boobs. Rose's boobs. A woman breast feeding her child. Boobs everywhere.

8:59-"That's the good thing about Paris, lots of girls willing to take their clothes off" That explains it...I guess.

9:04-I'm also going to start announcing dinner in this house by playing a trumpet.

9:05-Jack Dawson in a tuxedo. 11 year old me's dream man....23 year old me's dream man.

9:06-I've never been able to decide whether I love or hate Rose's dinner dress. I think I love it? But I can't be sure of that.

9:08-"she's in delicate condition" I need a friend to get pregnant so I can use that phrase more often.

9:10-"Tell us of the accommodations in steerage"-BURN

9:13-"So you wanna go to a real party?" Favorite movie line ever. This is not an exaggeration. Unbelievable! They cut it off right there for a commercial. That's bullshit. That's the best part of the movie when they then cut straight to the party in third class. Sidenote, is the Party in Third Class irish jig song the top played song in my iTunes? Damn right it is. Nothing got me in paper writing mode during college more than that song.

9:17-While it's not The Heart of the Ocean, there's no way that necklace of Rose's makes it out of third class.

9:18-Note to self, learn to play the spoons

9:19-The dance that they do on the stage does not match the music at all. This has always bothered me.

9:20-For the record, Rose, they're not impressed that you can stand on your toes. They're just awkwardly embarrassed for you.

9:23-Rose's mother trying to sufficate her with the brassiere is another underappreciated moment in the movie.

9:24-Rose's mother reminds her that the money is gone, however where did the money ever come from? Was this ever noted?

9:26-They just stopped Jack from going to church. Jesus would not be pleased.

9:27-"I've just had the last boiler lit"-OH SNAP IT'S ON! (literally?)

9:31-"It seems there are not enough lifeboats for everyone" "Hahaha, actually about half!" hahahah indeed.

9:34-Sunsets are an obvious example of "Wow, who knew how quickly the graphics would become outdated" Our fifth example to be exact.

9:35-Money shot, kissing on the bow of the boat with the fake sunset in the background.

9:38- "Monet!" "Do you know his work?" You've been warned about this already in the blog, Cameron, let's have this be the last instance.

9:48-Captain Edward Smith is probably the character I care about the most in this film. He just loved his ship so much and everyone else screwed up.

9:49-Who exactly is the guy that keeps trying to come between Jack and Rose? He's Cal's wing man, but what is his actual role. Is this ever specified?

9:52-"Did you ever find the binoculars for the look-out?" "Nope" HA Never noticed this exchange before, but I find it hilarious. "Did you ever find the hoses for the firemen?" "Nope!" would basically be the same exchange.

9:55-ICEBERG! RIGHT AHEAD! Fun story. I was watching this movie last year with my friend Nicky and right when they yelled "Iceberg! Right ahead!" she cried out (in all seriousness) "Uh oh, this doesn't look like it will end well". One of my Top 10 Nicky moments definitely, maybe even top 5.

9:57-Annnnnnd we have contact. Balls.

10:01-I want to play soccer with a piece of an iceberg.

10:02-How do I get my hair to do that funky early-twentieth century piled on top and pinned look? It's too short now, but a few months ago (working on a year actually, yikes) I could have rocked that look.

10:03-"Come on son, there's a good lad! Come on son, there's a good lad!" That guy was so excited about getting a line that he threw an extra in for fun. I'm sure Cameron wasn't too pleased about that one!

10:07-"This ship can't sink" "She's made of iron! I assure you, she can!" Oh Victor Garbor, you make any movie Oscar worthy.

10:08-"May I suggest top coats and hat?" You act like they weren't going to wear those anyway, Man Servant.

10:10-Alexanders Ragtime Band needs to make a comeback. Some rapper can sample it, right?

10:12-I never noticed what a terrible dye job Kate Winslet has on her hair. Is it because I'm watching this in HD?

10:15-Oooo, fireworks.

10:16-"will the lifeboats be seated according to class?" "Half the people on this ship are going to die!" "Not the better half, ha!" MAN I wish I was rich. I would so be dead if I was on the Titanic. Not nearly classy enough. I do make enough jokes about social class, however...so maybe...

10:23-I just realized there is still an hour and a half left...and only 45 minutes remaining of battery on my computer. Conundrum.

10:24- How did Rose not get electrocuted by swimming through the flooded hallway with the flickering lights?

10:26-There is no way Rose hits the handcuffs at exactly the right spot with the axe.

10:31-I'm going to make a loaded statement. If I ran the Titanic none of these shenanigans would have happened on my watch. I'll stand by that statement. Try and prove me wrong.

10:33-"There's nyet this-a way" Why did Fabrizio just speak Russian?

10:34-I should note that I ran up to get my computer charger during the last commercial break. You win this round, Cameron.

10:35-"Things are starting to fall apart"-Understatement of the year there, Cal

10:36-The Monopoly man was on the Titanic?

10:42-Rose, why the hell do you still believe that Cal has Jack's interests in mind?

10:44-Oh god, are we about to enter the "boat is sinking" montage? I'll admit I always cry during this one what with the old couple and the kids...

10:45-Nevermind, too early for the montage.

10:46-"You're so stupid Rose!" *make-out* "So stupid!"

10:46-Slo-mo running with a gun! This movie has everything.

10:47-The kid standing in the freezing cold water screaming looks legitimately terrified. I don't think he understood that this was all pretend. Children in horror movies/horror scenes are always awkward. There is no way they understand that this is a movie.

10:48-They HAD to make Kate Winslet wear a white dress in the scene where she would be soaking wet, didn't they. There were no other color options

10:50-No way Jack is able to open his eyes in freezing cold salt water and find the keys to the lock AND unlock the door.

10:53-The lifeboat people are idiots. "Ah yes, the man in the tuxedo clearly is the father of the little girl in rags. He must board the lifeboat with her".

10:58-I think the ethnically ambiguous accents are one of my favorite parts of this movie.

10:59-Anyone ever notice the guy who throws a chair overboard for no reason at the begining of the sad montage scene?

11:00-Speaking of which, here come the tears...

11:02-Alright, we made it through that one without any tears. Good to see I've lost the ability to feel.

11:03-I would not have been able to be an actor during the sinking scene. There is no way I would have made it through without cracking up hysterically. I swear they hired the most notorious over-actors that Hollywood had to offer and just said "Go at it!"

11:04-Oh right! Fabrizio is (spoiler alert) killed by the falling steam stack. I was trying to remember how he met his end.

11:05 I remember seeing another movie back in 1997 that was in the theater next to Titanic. During the sinking scene the volume in the Titanic theater was up so loud that we couldn't hear our own movie. I always forget how loud this movie is.

11:08-Propellor man! Is there any other character who has done so much with so little?

11:09-Oh right, it goes without saying that the sinking scene is our final instance of "Wow, who knew the graphics would become so outdated so quickly", right?

11:12-Jack explains that the ship is going to suck them down when it sinks. I never understood where he got all of his knowledge on how to supposedly survive a ship wreck.

11:13-They would have definitely drowned in all of the time they spent getting sucked under with the ship. There's not way they fight that force.

11:20-"I intend to write a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about all of this" Statements like this makes me think Jack Dawson and I would have gotten along well.

11:23-I'll never let go Jack, I'll never let go.

11:24-Funny story about that key line. Back in high school I was spending the night in my friends' dorm room. Sarah and I were trying to sleep as it was roughly 1 in the morning and we're lame, but Grace, who was on the top bunk, wanted to talk to a boy named Jack that she was trying to woo on her cell phone. After about an hour of cutesy flirting talk that high schoolers are so good at Sarah, who doesn't take shit from anyone, decided she had had enough and grabbed at the phone. Grace started shrieking "JACK! JACK!" and grabbing for the phone. In one final push she shouted "I'LL NEVER LET GO JACK!" and knocked the wooden bunk bed railing off of her bed and straight onto my head. I hate the line "I'LL NEVER LET GO JACK!" so, so much.

11:26-You know what line I do love? "Is there anyone alive out there? Can anyone hear me?" It's hard not to love when he yells it roughly 37 times.

11:28-"I'll never let go, I promise" she says as she drops him into the ocean.

11:29-Only 6 people were saved from the water? Wow. That's a shocking fact.

11:30-In all seriousness I can't begin to imagine the psychological toll of surviving and event like this.

11:37-No way the old woman has the strength to pull herself up on the railing.

11:38-That necklace is so ugly.

11:38- This seems like a good time to quote the Brittney Spears classic "Oops I Did It Again" "But I thought the old lady tossed it into the ocean at the end of the movie?" "Well babe, I went back and got it" *dramatic pause* "OOOPS I! DID IT AGAIN TO YOUR HEARRRRRT....."

11:39-I can never watch the ending of Titanic ever since my aforementioned friend Sarah declared right before we entered our high school graduation that it was just like the ending of Titanic. I cracked up then and I crack up now.

11:42-And with that, 3 hours and 42 minutes later, we are done. I can't believe I did this. I'm exhausted.

Just a note, They're making a 3D version of Titanic in 2012. I see roughly 2 movies a year, so 2012 better not be a good year for movies as I already have one of those two spots filled.

11:45-Crap, it's starting again, I better go to bed before I get sucked in.